Monday, October 31, 2016

Charade Conversation at FBI Director Comey's office - Happy Halloween

Dangerous Moves at the FBI – Why?

I’m an American attorney. I live in Norway where I work. Luckily, I also have a few weeks each year when I can get to the U.S., and therefore this article comes from the Florida side of my life. The news in Florida is often considered to be THE weirdest. This state gets that reputation from real news (Just one evidentiary collection is found at: ), as well as from the hilarious-but-serious literary efforts of authors such as Carl Hiassen.

But now that I am once again in Florida, the weirdest news I’ve heard is the news that the Director of the FBI is, um, copying Trump. Yes, folks: he’s making un-substantiated allegations that Hillary Clinton’s e-mails, which have been thoroughly gone through by him and his staff, are on the table again – or, well, some others that might not be the same as the ones that were already on the table – but, then again, may be the same ones that were already found to be basically okay. . . even if he didn’t think she should have used the internet e-mail server she was using (as if we, the average smart and educated person, by the way, knows about what internet server to use in an effective and realistically applicable way).

The Director’s latest ‘announcement’ – coming 9 days before Election Day? – is so OUT of ORDER that I, and many other people - even Trump supporters and conservative Republicans - are amazed and disturbed.

Therefore, I thought I would put this into perspective. How? By trying to determine why it would have happened.  . . .

On a dark and windy night, in October, 2016:

(Tree branches rattle against the office window. The wind is whipping harshly tonight)

At a secret meeting in the FBI Director’s office, the day before his announcement, we join the ongoing conversation:

Paul Ryan: Listen, Jim, I just can’t help it. I wouldn’t be here if I could! I mean, she’s killing Trump on the campaign trail. So what if it’s with facts and figures – what are we going to do if the Republican party is shown up as the complete charade it seems to be today?  I mean, we NEED HELP, Jim! We have to have something to show for our campaign - besides Trump’s big-mouthed retorts, over and over again, about Hillary e-mails. They just don’t ‘stick’ anymore.

Director James Comey:  Well, you could have come up with a f----g political agenda. You know, a platform! What kind of party are you anyway? Bunch of do-nothings. It’s not MY job to save your a---. Go on back out there and just mumble something about looking forward to getting your troops back into Congress – so you can boss them around some more about why they shouldn’t do anything for anyone except the NRA.

Paul Ryan:  Now, that’s cutting it too close. I couldn’t help it.  You saw how Trump took over the Republican debates before the nomination convention. It was pathetic:  no one could stand up there on that stage with him and get in a decent word edgewise! Even Jeb Bush bowed out, and he’s a seasoned politician with a good record.

And now we’re stuck. We need your help! You’ve GOT to re-open this e-mail topic, it’s our last chance.

Director James Comey:  What do I get for it? You know, I can sit in this office for 10 years either way. 

Paul Ryan: Well, what about the limelight? You’d be the star of the Republican party – at least as long as you couldn’t finish any new ‘reviews’ until after the election. It could help me keep my Congressional waistcoat buddies on my team, and you know how we like to waste taxpayer dollars.

Director James Comey: You know, Paul, you’re a heartless jerk. But I can see a glimmer of light here. We’re still working on Weiner’s investigation. Maybe I could tie some new e-mail inquiry to that.

Paul Ryan: Weiner? Oh, that’d be great: everyone hates that prick already – except his online girlfriends I guess. Yeah, definitely tie him to Hillary news and e-mails. IT’ll double our pleasure! A knock-out punch.

Director James Comey: I’m still trying to figure out what I get for it. After all, you know, I’m not supposed to do anything that might politically affect the election, especially for the months headed towards Election Day. I mean, it’s just 10 days away!  And there are rules about this.

Paul Ryan: F—k the rules. We’re highlighting your important power in this situation. The Director of the FBI has been a mole since Hoover left office. And McCarthyism is on the way back ‘in’, anyway: you can see it in the eyes of Trump’s followers! They love to scream for the blood of their supposed enemies, even if they are some of the people who would benefit most from supporting Hillary.
But you’re getting me off my game. Tell me, when was the last time the national press noticed you?

Director James Comey: Well, it must’ve been . . . let’s see . . . No, listen, I’ve already been quoted as saying that “I don’t give a hoot about politics.” 

Paul Ryan: Well, that’s your approach, then: if you don’t give a hoot about politics, then what difference does it make to YOU that Election Day is only 10 days away?  Just damn the torpedoes and let’s go! Give her the black-eye - again, Jim, and now.

Director James Comey: Yeah, well, we get so bogged down with small stuff - spending time keeping track of how many cops are killing how many non-aggressive citizens, catching health fraud guys, the idiots joining ISIS, the Ponzi scheme guys and the bank fraud guys. WE could use a bigger story again – I miss it.

Paul Ryan: That’s right – you miss it, and you said already you don’t have to follow the Justice Department’s rules when you’ve made up your own personal judgement on something. So just go for it.

Director James Comey: Alright, but I’ll have to say something extremely non-specific: after all, I don’t have anything more specific to say about it. I just wished she’d had more IT security at the State Department. But I can ‘milk’ it for you, Paul.

 I’m still going to come back to you later – I’ll need the strong word of the Republicans, if they win, to keep from being investigated for this. 

Ah, what the hell – I hate those committees too. F—k them. I can do whatever I want to do. As J. Edgar Hoover said, “Justice is incidental to law and order.”  Plus, if Hillary wins, there are going to be so many social and cultural initiatives, I’ll be crying to Congress for a bigger budget – and you’ll have to give it to me, won’t you, Paul?

Paul Ryan: Anything for you, Jim. Just get going and get this insinuation out to the press.

Director James Comey:  Alright alright, now get outtahere  - before someone sees you.

(Paul Ryan departs the office.)

Director James Comey: Snake. (Peers up to the portrait of J. Edgar Hoover) John Edgar, like you said, “I am government man, come from the government. The government has sent me.”  That oughtta be enough.


Dictatorship naturally arises out of democracy, and the most aggravated form of tyranny and slavery out of the most extreme liberty.


By June Edvenson

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